Mon Chéri,
Who you are is still wrong.
Just a little bit further, ok?
I love how you’ve got them all fooled though. You really do look like you have it all together. I want to remind you though, my dear, that I still know what’s going on. I still know what you’re really like, day in, day out. I know your deepest darkest secret- or have you forgotten? You know, that damning proof that lays bare the full extent of your unworthiness.
We both know it’s unforgivable, but I believe you deserve a fighting chance, don’t you? That’s why you must stick to the plan. You know the one, don’t you? It doesn’t have to be a complicated matter. Just make the changes that you know have to be made and then everything will just fall into place. Yes, technically it will be cheating (since you’re inherently flawed) but how else are you going to find lasting acceptance and protection?
Don’t you dare, my darling, even for a second, believe that this isn’t the ultimate truth. You know how bad the situation is here, or do I have to remind you?
Do you remember the moment we first met? You were wondering who you were and then you suddenly found yourself being cast aside by the world for being a mistake, and then, like a knight in shining armor, I arrived just in the nick of time to save you. I was honest with you and told you the hard truth: that the world was right about you but that you didn’t need to fall into despair just yet… I showed you that there was another way.
My sweet little cupcake with gumdrops on top, it was I who stayed with you and gave you hope. It was I who told you there must be a way to fix the error of your existence. It was I who showed you the path to salvation.
Do you see now? You need me. We must never be apart. I am your only chance. Only I know how to get you out of this mess. Without me you’d be lost, and you know it.
I only have your best interests in mind, my little cookie. Please stop questioning my motives. You don’t want to return to that awful void where you don’t know who you are and have no familiar surroundings to give you comfort.
Snookums, try to understand that although your surroundings may be dark, you can still find comfort in them. Better to know yourself as a fallacy than to not know yourself at all. Better to exist as a problem than to not exist at all.
I don’t want to worry you baby, but remember: you are the mistake and I am the correction.
Just a little bit further, ok?
Yours until the end of time,
François Trâuma
P.S.— Care to comment? Leave your feedback on my blog here:
https://www.kylehoobin.com/a-love-letter-from-trauma/
